tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21626572244120806602024-02-19T23:28:33.605-08:00nutballgirl uninterruptedPeople always tell me I should write a book. I'm too lazy for that, so I write this blog...sometimes...when I feel like it.nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-53646411151115752412017-07-14T15:27:00.000-07:002017-07-14T15:27:57.959-07:00My Atheist Advice to Grieving Ten Year Olds<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9tozKUIaTgRcNLb7hujmXz3cfihnZmeg3shSJhouDJ5jlpENWB32mp8CS1L_QFS-Q12I86O6WfcjabRdvwKhWQAtah8Y5p2kvX5mqClL0nCVmubMdZc5BOSbqtuUhJnlJTQTK7eXX50E/s1600/IMG_0200.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5676906677324454546" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9tozKUIaTgRcNLb7hujmXz3cfihnZmeg3shSJhouDJ5jlpENWB32mp8CS1L_QFS-Q12I86O6WfcjabRdvwKhWQAtah8Y5p2kvX5mqClL0nCVmubMdZc5BOSbqtuUhJnlJTQTK7eXX50E/s320/IMG_0200.jpg" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 320px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 240px;" /></a><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">A few weeks ago, a little ten year old girl from our town died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I did not know her but news of the tragedy quickly spread.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was sitting with a few other moms at one of my son’s baseball games when I first heard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the women was passing around the memorial pamphlet from the Catholic church where services were held and the little girl attended school.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The story was particularly disturbing to me because she had died during an asthma attack, when she began to vomit and then aspirated.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Her mother was right there, driving her to the hospital, but it was too late.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since my son, Jack, has epilepsy and often vomits during his grand mal seizures, I live with the constant fear that this will happen to him, so hearing this instantly terrified and saddened me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Soon the topic turned to the service--how beautiful it was and then how the priest was trying to comfort all her little schoolmates by saying that although they were all feeling angry and confused, it just wasn’t for them to understand why God had called her home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He had his reasons, none of which they might ever know, etc.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">At that point, I had to detach myself from the conversation because the comments only became more maddening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I certainly wasn’t going to say what I was really thinking which was that situations like this should be one of the reasons that make people realize that there is no freaking God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And if there was one, we might rightfully call him an asshole.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you not think that mother was praying as she frantically drove her car toward the hospital, her little girl dying in the back seat?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Was</span> her faith just not strong enough?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because the bible says that unless you are lacking faith, whatever you ask for in Jesus' name, you will be given.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I</span>f she had survived, you can bet it would be hailed as a miracle and a testament to the power of prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Instead, she dies and it's just chalked up to God's mysterious ways. </span>What a bunch of bullshit. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">And comforting those little kids with a bunch of nonsensical stories about your imaginary LOVING father whose motives are so beyond our comprehension that you can’t question them is bullshit too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course you should question it kids!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How COULD a loving God do such a thing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To what purpose?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To teach someone a lesson?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The mom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s pretty harsh, don’t ya think?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Could YOU imagine doing that to one of YOUR children? You're damned right to question the bullshit you're being fed--I only wish someone had been around to answer my questions truthfully when I was your age. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">So, here's what I, an atheist, would have said to those poor ten year old kids, the same thing I'd say to my ten year old son:</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><i>Listen, what happened to your friend is horrible and sad and it’s NOT fair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You have every right to be angry and hurt right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Life ISN’T fair A LOT of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We do the best we can as humans to make it fair but some things are beyond our control.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything on earth lives and dies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">This life is not a gift from some imaginary God who supposedly loves us yet subjects some of us to unimaginable horror in order to fulfill some secret plan. The truth about your existence and all that came before you is so much more awesome than any fairy tale. Those stories were made up by people who lived a long time ago and didn't have the knowledge of science and the earth that we have today. But just because your life wasn't a supernatural miracle, doesn't mean it's any less precious and wonderful and yes, fleeting—you only get one! And that's why it's important to make it count. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">That is why we should appreciate each and every day that we have with our family and friends.</span></i></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><i>Most of us will go on to live long and happy lives, but some of us, as you now see, won’t and that’s the truth of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> There is no</span> magical afterlife. Death is the end of consciousness and although it's hard for us to grasp because it's hard to imagine NOT "being," you should know that in the end it will be something like going to sleep, except without dreaming. And when we are gone, the people we leave behind will cry, just like we are crying now. You should also know that in a way we DO live on-- in the minds and hearts of those who love us and whom we love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just like some of you are now remembering little moments when your friend said or did something nice or funny, you should also realize that this is how the little things YOU say or do affect others in all kinds of special and wonderful ways.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So go ahead and cry and cry, until you can’t cry anymore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Because it's terribly sad when someone dies, especially someone young like you. </span>And then hug each other and be good to each other because THIS day, THIS moment is all we have for sure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> And we are incredibly fortunate to be the only creatures on this earth who can actually appreciate the awesomeness of that.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">If you are afraid of dying, which all of us are at times, remember that the real tragedy would be to never really LIVE. Here are some suggestions that will help you make sure you don't fall into that trap--just some things I've learned along the way;</span></i></span></div>
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<i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Find what brings meaning to your life and then share it with those you love. Do good for goodness' sake and the inner peace of knowing that you did the right thing. Be honest in all your dealings. Make your word your bond and cherish your reputation. Always forgive. Listen. Pick your battles and be honest about your motives and if you must fight, make sure your cause is just. </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Remember to laugh--especially at yourself. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Be a true friend. Help others less fortunate and comfort those in pain. Defend your friends, even when they are not there to hear you. Honor the memory of those you've lost by helping those who are left behind. Be curious and kind. If you love someone, tell them. Never trade truth for comfort. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';">Question everything and don't let anyone ever tell you that anything is beyond questioning. </span></i></div>
<!--EndFragment-->nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-21740858237198141152017-07-14T15:05:00.001-07:002017-07-14T16:20:57.644-07:00There Is Literally Nowhere You Will Not Be Judged On The Internet (and also, The Bitch is Back!)<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 6pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilVaM0WDyrIXlBBroWAifDLLnrO0o-rp4E9YmjJvVU_kGWlNrEJ-73XwJkvSfKKqnUV9TCXoPlLvUbMN2vA6VoYf8upiaELu6q8Le1xHLcNB5Ztg9iWkTpVPNh8TPHv-haYKY6V9zwJJA/s1600/a-247-koi-FS21702P_42.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="297" data-original-width="565" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilVaM0WDyrIXlBBroWAifDLLnrO0o-rp4E9YmjJvVU_kGWlNrEJ-73XwJkvSfKKqnUV9TCXoPlLvUbMN2vA6VoYf8upiaELu6q8Le1xHLcNB5Ztg9iWkTpVPNh8TPHv-haYKY6V9zwJJA/s320/a-247-koi-FS21702P_42.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">OMG, y’all, I just can’t even right now. Why are people such assholes? I mean I get that people get into all kinds of arguments on Facebook and Twitter when discussing opinions or mistaken perceptions of reality--I’ve been there myself many times. But Nextdoor? Seriously? Nextdoor is supposed to be the helpful, neighborly, recommendations and hey, anyone-have-a-cheap-dresser-for-sale place. Can’t this one semi-social forum be safe from controversy? Is there nothing sacred?! Apparently not. The following is a post I made, an innocent freaking post about some koi fish that had been left in my pond by my tenant (who not incidentally had skipped out on her last two months’ rent and left my husband and me to clean up the pigsty/garbage dump of a place that was/is our home). Apparently, she had also left behind her fish, but neglected to let us know, so they’d been hanging out in my pond, slowly drowning in their own feces without proper oxygenation or food for almost a week before I discovered them. I posted about it on FB to get some advice, which I received, and also posted on Nextdoor, thinking there might be someone locally who already had koi, understood koi, and maybe wanted to buy them for cheap. Here’s my original post (I’m deleting my name and neighborhood info): </span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/news_feed/?post=56973326" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 13.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Abandoned Koi!</span></a></h4>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Y'all my renter left behind her koi in my pond and I just realized it now, one week later! If anyone is experienced with koi and would like to buy some koi cheap if they can retrieve them, please contact me. There are maybe six adults that I've seen and at least a dozen babies. The water is getting murkier b/c I can't turn on my pump for my waterfall or they will get sucked up and die--she had an alternate oxygenator I am going to try and hook back up temporarily. If no one responds by this afternoon, I am going to call the Atlanta Koi rescue, thanks :). You can text me at ***.***.****.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">2d ago · 87 neighborhoods in General</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img alt="Reply" height="42" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/NWTEb8HAsmCYjcRR1C_CAN593y3In8U7pOh3Fwd_968Sc2lDL3vCuxWQOMg7r_tPv7HcixaA_2wD6eP2uLodVIFQDuxQ9FhXlWNB_3tj4BBxeHDoUxxEg7IePJjVV9WDbuNqkoyf" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Reply</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Innocent enough, right? I’m just looking primarily to save the koi. Maybe I’ll make a few dollars but really, if no one experienced steps forward, I’m going to donate them and save their lives at least. And most people were great, I received several text messages, advice, etc., like this:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/Jh-MDQRZm4x2VCHwqI4YC3jWTMkcudlsI8Pb-2MTWiGnZ_FkMnVM9ZbFh7D2GzqplMkrcWTod25KyGaxoqE0kwPnNud-Z1t8Gskd32WRfBDfEAASIYFOkT9CcsbycFkObUZPn_nw" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/19357238/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Diane Giangrande</span></a><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Kiveton Park/Brook Green</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">·2d ago</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The Atlanta Koi Club does rescue. If interested contact </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">rescue@atlantakoiclub.org</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/Y4bZIi189br95Cs3kyZq0o1ZEc5kYLjVy7oksCLiT02YYF7YK6h9StyfwmmVUpL7Rki-hxY1nPn-pT3UC2UplIcnFC5LC4cLnwpqCDXnS3JKdFSQAENTiJEEJ_AQUp4Ps-ld8o-X" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/uyr27a4Rf6DuHvIi1wlOJMksHOmxn8fDErTez0ChOn4bUGQ2v1QC0a8t53PRJyiFwI2vvaDeSPfL6pStmxghW2Q7b-98mK7oLdUAZd5NRs-kjLviH1SQP4QcYI9QV7eE6euH24FJ" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanked!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 Thank</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And this nice guy:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/0PWeTwCpeSW4Wj6uFMixIyaswZktoNwIBOh2Lsa_t8_01YRfqyl7GlHm7wrmr5sQvFLbyqhbXvuTkRfUuuPFy2JyCKpkfYXlBWjudsH8tJ5bOvHjp74PovTU5pXLp6dBx7RxlDXx" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/53547/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">William Farley</span></a><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Brickleberry</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">·1d ago</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have a empty Koi pond currently and would like to have some reasonable priced Koi. </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">William Farley</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> 678-***-****</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="90" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/iz5KNJNdZv2ryWdOaftCDnvFZHqznXwWrOa5DJ3i4UcVrD9MDoDNpApKUVNntMRtt5WJ2D1WkkrMiKHRV5GL0SqwwVHC_rp5Wj7gSuEGBh9S_CYb3liLUIxMSsFBE_EIlbL5TBX7" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="90" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh5.googleusercontent.com/q38VAwCv3-dhPq32GHKEQ0UT2SMPoqdD8frf6_Ewz0CGm8XYj5ejQUI4JF7IYzVjmEg5hd4njGkKbzOGERBPQ1XUuaDeS9huXzBo4wFE6sc9u1bM7R1SNmDiTpyVrBZx0KFfLLSo" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanked!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 Thank</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And this nice person:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/AI0duJYdudoIwdG82tE8-ZAp1mcru1PgSuSSnD7sfhP4X0NDIaxb4KYWGNVY4SRoAlkZB10Zln4vBN8Tyta17jUa_vRrg7zcy5wXSuoCzz6I9BVcvZVNHwd0qQ9GZlbueA9tqUAj" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/5126688/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Suzanne Mahaney</span></a><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Hamilton Commons</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">·1d ago</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-top: 2pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Someone recently gave us 13 Koi after they decided to close their pond. We caught them all with a fish net and they have been doing great in our pond for a few months now. And we have no problem with them being sucked up in our waterfall. They are the easiest pets we've ever had!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/A9hvsQgaIWxeoQdM9Er80OAQd-AcRQ1A3g-AnLUEMlHWj4-Wo7w9pB5lm7bsZ8Bk5aEME7tSPf_i5qT_HSBOSwnKaYSRjbRyDKUTOnBX7ImApmp1L4RBiNN6jaKm0uCOCnhi4LbM" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/vo0zpnojlwt_W9HXkbTsOvmOZxOnkQFTROVCSjNZnG0Ed9GpnuLd0fxANaRRKs3JX3Uk8n9Rg1CZrhZV1sipX0orFkuzoy2LwaKOurr_vz9Hlj3LANzNdrG62AzFICfRs8W1YQzE" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanked!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1 Thank</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Basically, there were several, similar, nice responses. But then there was this woman. This woman, for some reason felt the need to try and publicly shame me for attempting to possibly make a few dollars in the process of saving the fish. Like for real. Like I was charging for a human child.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/v2Wwe3ptP6Aa8-m5hgMbjNY-G0zHiyr9RbKrRmGgJ86S5X2JbxXdueEQ3__d5czlijZuzGq78MbTFDhIUl7VGgf9uVYqgRaKnB_5hxyd3GvLhiF5Jk8UJ9JUAlji3i6lfCXX7OkH" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/8490372/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melissa Marbourg</span></a><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Cottages of Roswell·2d ago</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why would you sell them? Why wouldn't you just give them to somebody who could take care of them?</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/WHuQsivpCJilus7clKRxlc-5YPgecYB8YX43GcdWku_lx7xtMwLTF0Lliaz3fTOQcMQJVdAFyJeLz70yUy4GHZ4bXvllmkMPjuBDJqjoPfAEXN5_OU2OM1oT43iK5MZWQl-QBY3j" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/td_sZlCUT0a0KLGRR5sU2eFMYu0iEcguLy-BqeRR0MGMlIQ6da9lKZ1-XtjHShQm6f9iolltcVCtLvOjZtnelQXtXsxuH5Jy1HTJIDTZC8BUGpbUBpUb5wh0-hl2V9dEtXCNn19a" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">3 Thanks</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And then, the less-offensive, subtle shaming of this woman who laments that the fish wound up being donated to a group outside of our neighborhood. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/JotysR_wL1YfQshui2mTqLGUBMnKfEM1xn23tzD3QR95gxAnLfOjcST69_D0FXQ4Oh040wIpC6ASVgLRr9VgHd43jDw3kfnoNHBM01X9J7QqVqzQLsvlSmAsaZ-2tz1SFrz7zyru" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/2723165/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amy Longstreth</span></a><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, The Crabapple Chase</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">·1d ago</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Bummer, apparently all of these Koi went to a rescue, I would have ❤️ to have seen them stay in the vicinity, where they could be enjoyed by local families.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/uiKIjEke4ZpjqkZTkA6lF9m7gw8HSbaX6pOY25LVoPU9xcRXuUg9k02SnTb5ZCJoqE0V41uTvIAsJduZE6xXHOSILTXEoOIM2P6VYYYBLSmQYFPFzCLozrwa8qsWWmUU0oNULa7N" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="42" src="https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/2whLOVYQwnIgunp97JsdEdQRSyhuqtF55n9ixf8B-yRdxVhdYgf8ukHx-jbw4zQc0GqmSU0m2dOkhHFtlMyk0FFq9d4_jPofl6crVzxGwrUPHQwYoI4MJq1fScNVQOwIn7GaLrAF" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="42" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thank</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wait, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">what</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? I was shocked there was ONE Koi rescue in the Atlanta area, this broad thinks I should be concerned with keeping the fish LOCALLY? Seriously? I can’t even. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 24pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-right: 12pt; margin-top: 6pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Look, moving is a stressful thing and having your tenant skip out on rent and discover they’ve left your place a disaster only adds to it. Throw in the fact that I also had a flood in my home yesterday due to a leaky toilet that went undetected ALL NIGHT LONG and admittedly, I might be just slightly </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: line-through; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">homicidal</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> touchy at the moment, but I just had to respond to these </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: line-through; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">bitches</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #0075a1; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> neighbors “right quick” as they say here in the south. So, here’s what I wrote on Nextdoor, which is apparently another social media outlet rife with controversy and not helpful to my peace of mind and YES, I feel better now, thank you. People are assholes but then again, so am I. I really wanted to title it “The Bitch is Back!”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 9pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><img height="20" src="https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/9kBVBVkSjx-ZARmhn7BYbjszECrScpgnB8dWhphOim6FPxl9gxBzOqjqCC0JplIsT-lZqZTqoGNJihILycfrd6BK585fvsHoOE4YpTPkqxPNQ9h82_hvV4kMVi5E8zzPP9MwqFeX" style="-webkit-transform: rotate(0.00rad); border: none; transform: rotate(0.00rad);" width="22" /></span></div>
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<a href="https://heatherwoodroswell.nextdoor.com/profile/5050858/" style="text-decoration: none;"><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: underline; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Susan Mehalick</span></a><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #6f7681; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">·Just now</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-top: 2pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Thanks everyone, I was overwhelmed by the response. Here's what occurred shortly after my post: The Atlanta Koi Rescue guy, Michael Walton, advised me to go ahead and immediately turn on my pump/waterfall since that would provide some immediate aeration. He felt the adult fish would be strong enough to avoid the suction of the pump. There might be one or two baby casualties but it was worth the risk, so that's what I did. As predicted, most of the fish did avoid the pump, but one little guy didn't make it. Oddly though, the pond became even murkier and filled with a foam--Michael says b/c there must have been some chemical in there. At that point I was really panicking and agreed to have Michael come over after work and begin a rescue. Michael was wonderful--he brought all necessary equipment, drained the pond down very low so we could identify and trap the fish, gave me tons of information and advice and even cleaned out the bottom of my pond for me all at his own time and expense. As it turns out, and he says this is a common occurrence, many of the fish turned out to be goldfish and there were only two koi. Since I am not prepared to care properly for the koi, I let Michael take them. One of them had an ulcer which is apparently common. He (it was a boy) will receive medical treatment and then both fish will be transferred/donated to a senior living facility with a humongous pond and many other koi. At Michael's reassurance that the goldfish would be hearty enough to survive my pond's environment, I decided to let them remain and live out their happy little fish lives here with us. If any of you are ever in need of someone knowledgeable and kindhearted to assist you with the care of your koi, I would highly recommend you contact Michael Walton with Atlanta Koi Rescue. He has a FB page and can be reached at 770.895.9252.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now, I'd like to take a moment to respond to </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melissa Marbourg</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> who asked "Why would you sell them? Why wouldn't you just give them to somebody who could take care of them?" Dear </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melissa</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, surely you read in my post that I asked for someone with knowledge/experience with koi and would ask only a small price in exchange for them actually "capturing" and safely transporting them to a new home. This is b/c I did not want someone who just thought, hey, I'd like to have some koi to throw in my pond, who might very well endanger them by not capturing, transferring or keeping them properly. I have no idea how much the koi would be worth exactly but knew enough to know that they can be very expensive and since my tenant skipped out on her last two month's rent and left me with tons of garbage cleanup and damage, I thought I could both save the fish AND make a few dollars. </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melissa</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, maybe money is not a concern for you and you are fortunate enough to not be in position where someone has put you on the hook for thousands of dollars of out-of-pocket expenses that were unanticipated or if they did, you had plenty of money readily available to compensate without blinking an eye. Unfortunately, I am not that person. Everything we own, my husband and I worked hard to achieve and we work hard to maintain. If money were no object, frankly, I would have kept the koi and called an expert to assist me in maintaining the pond for them. Furthermore, if I didn't primarily give a sh*% about the welfare of the fish I would have just kept them or sold them to whomever wanted them, regardless of their experience. So, I will have to respond to your question with a question of my own--why would YOU, </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melissa Marbourg</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Roswell Cottages</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, feel the need to attempt to publicly shame me about this? Are you seriously that bored/judgemental/petty/mean-spirited (choose one)? On Nextdoor? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br class="kix-line-break" /></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Also, </span><span style="background-color: black; color: black; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Amy Longstreth</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, sorry but there were no local, Roswell Koi Rescue people to call and I am not in a position to nor am I inclined to set one up. Yes, it would have been nice if they could have stayed local I suppose, but they're going to be enjoyed by some sweet, elderly people who will admire and appreciate them. Do I feel badly about that? No, I do not feel badly about it. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-top: 2pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I saved the freaking fish people, I gave them away for a good cause. I didn't make any money and I don't care. Please get a life. Jesus H.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-top: 2pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: #333333; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.6285714285714286; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-left: 26pt; margin-top: 2pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: "raleway"; font-size: 10.5pt; font-style: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b><span style="color: #45818e;">That is all.</span></b></span></div>
<br />nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-28330321073280432015-11-20T10:21:00.000-08:002015-11-25T06:07:00.460-08:00Why The Refugee Situation Is A Defining Moment and The Chance to Prove We’ve Grown As a Nation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIHKoeWhPRfsXqHCIvC86XHjOh3jhwIamgwib_IwjvooC4IfB315O8bDmAc3bSc24JX2IaNkGOzkINRcikmtGGXWGno8Vy88JPN_ZGr67FbeM5fZUpfjzzYk0Pxhr0oSYzPuXG2kdaCwo/s1600/bhutaneserefugees-2012.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIHKoeWhPRfsXqHCIvC86XHjOh3jhwIamgwib_IwjvooC4IfB315O8bDmAc3bSc24JX2IaNkGOzkINRcikmtGGXWGno8Vy88JPN_ZGr67FbeM5fZUpfjzzYk0Pxhr0oSYzPuXG2kdaCwo/s200/bhutaneserefugees-2012.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;"><span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14pt;">A few years back, I had the
privilege of employing some Bhutanese refugees from Nepal. These women had
literally grown up in refugee camps after fleeing the violence and persecution
of the supposedly peaceful buddhist regime of Bhutan.</span><span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "helvetica"; font-size: 14pt;">The regime and their supporters did not accept the cultural
and religious differences of the Hindus who lived in the southern regions.
Their prejudice led to intolerance, which then led to discrimination, then
violence and finally resulted in them being driven from their homes and farms,
many beaten and even killed. They fled to neighboring Nepal, where they were
allowed set up refugee camps.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">Now, when I say camps, you should
know that these were not lovely tents with running water and air conditioning
or heat. They literally lived in mud huts of their own making and went into the
forest to hunt and forage for food. They and their parents were in the camps so
long because the Nepalese government refused to offer them citizenship and the
international community debated and argued for years before Canada and the US
stepped up to take them. Even then, the process was extremely slow and arduous
and in the end, those who were able to work here had to come first and then
pave the way to bring their elderly parents, all the while, hoping that they
would be able to jump through all the right hoops and earn enough money before
time ran out and one or both of their parents died in the camps.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">What many people don't know about
refugees who come to the United States, aside from the arduous screening
process, and I certainly didn't realize until I came to know these women, is
that in many cases, even the charities (in their specific case a Christian
charity) require REPAYMENT of most or all of the relocation fees such as
airfare (which is not discounted and in most cases as much as a first class
ticket). This meant that each of them, husbands, wives, and children, began
their new life in the U.S. with a substantial debt over their heads of
thousands of dollars and in many cases, tens of thousands of dollars. In this
case, the husbands were employed by Goodwill for minimum wage and I'm sorry to
say, sometimes taken advantage of from a labor perspective because of their
poor understanding of labor laws and their genuine and deep fear of making any
waves and being sent back. (As a side note, they initially attempted to buy
some things at Goodwill, until the supervisors there arbitrarily decided to
make a new "rule" that employees AND THEIR FAMILIES were not allowed,
EVEN IN THEIR OFF HOURS, to shop at the store. This resulted in me going in
"undercover" to purchase things for their homes based on their
descriptions.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">My friends were placed in the
same housing complex as five other refugee families, 30 miles northwest of
where a much larger group of I believe about 6,000 were living in Decatur,
Georgia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They lived in an
impoverished and crime ridden area of town--the police were called to their
apartment complex on a daily basis for guns, knife fights, drug busts, etc., but
they were grateful for having an actual roof and running water and they never
complained. Again, I can not stress enough the very real fear they had of
making "trouble" and being sent back. They were always aware that
their being here was conditional and despite my attempting to explain to them
that they too had rights, they were guided by this fear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">The families worked diligently to
make their tiny apartments homey and as nice as possible with the small amount
of money they had. They laid inexpensive bamboo mats all over the carpets,
which they were not used to and did not like. They gathered together nightly,
on weekends and cultural holidays for tea and meals, and shared any and all
resources to help one another survive, watching each other's children, buying
groceries in bulk together, sharing one car amongst five families, the list
goes on. Through it all they were always thankful--so thankful--constantly
bringing me and others who helped them little gifts of food or apologizing for
any perceived burden they imagined they had caused.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">I could tell you many things
about these people and how knowing them, becoming close to them, was one of the
most powerful human experiences I have had the honor to have had, but my
purpose in writing this is simply to beg you, literally in the name of
humanity, do not buy into the hateful idea that the process of coming here as a
refugee is an easy one or a haphazard one or taken lightly by any entity
involved. My purpose is to implore you that we who have so much--no matter how
many bills we are stressing over--can always make room for more, that that is
what we are supposed to be ABOUT as a country. I'm not even a nationalist and
Zeus knows I have my share of criticisms of our country, but if I have a shred
of nationalism in me, it is because I really BELIEVE in the idea that we SHOULD
be a nation of people who care, who love, who are attempting to write the BOOK
on second chances.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #10131a; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small; mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">I know many of us don't like to
think about or be reminded of the fact that our ancestors stole this land to
begin with and then enslaved or massacred millions upon it. Of course, we can
never go back and make that right again and we know it, so some of us want to
say it's in the past, it's not our fault, let it go. But is it really in the
past? Are our hearts clean from the selfishness and greed that caused our
ancestors to act in such a despicable way? We have the chance now in this
crisis, in every crisis of discrimination--at home and abroad--to show that we
are willing to shed that selfish, ugly part of ourselves that would have us
turn our back on suffering and say "somebody else's problem." We have
the chance to prove that we CAN BE that beacon of refuge, that we DO stand
beside those words on the statue of liberty, that we ARE truly courageous--not
just with bluster and military superiority that for most of us is far removed
from our own personal situation--but with our hearts. So, I challenge you,
Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and my fellow atheists, be courageous with
your hearts and dare to prove your love. If you are concerned about evil and
hatred reaching us here, Ive got news for you, it's ALREADY here. It's in our
own hearts, in every little selfish decision, every tiny or giant step away
from the idea of unity and love and compassion, every broken promise, every
turned back, every furtive glance away. We are not perfect but we have the
chance to be MORE perfect every day and like Michelangelo, chip away at WASN'T
David, until the beautiful form slowly emerges. If you want to fight evil, if
you really want to fight it, then by all means have the courage to do so within
yourselves because THAT is the ONLY way it will actually be defeated. Open your
hearts and keep them open, in the face of fear and threats and intimidation, in
the face of violence and lies and ignorance, be truly courageous and keep them
open still.</span></div>
nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-38799323739268627732015-11-19T18:09:00.004-08:002015-11-23T06:21:35.315-08:00Five Reasons Your Siblings Are Your Best Friends<div class="MsoNormal">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIpUmX-5URr2Sf9B0O9ThE5I8kNR9o06bkyghiSUa4995x9XLq9luQNqeMp8OkN9Ui1bZH9wqMpBxD5fUdFULVhUQhUq7tMeImkD9JYL-WYf-fDpHrEr0nInF16B1wxIatRTUw2VDBuk/s1600/P2060057.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicIpUmX-5URr2Sf9B0O9ThE5I8kNR9o06bkyghiSUa4995x9XLq9luQNqeMp8OkN9Ui1bZH9wqMpBxD5fUdFULVhUQhUq7tMeImkD9JYL-WYf-fDpHrEr0nInF16B1wxIatRTUw2VDBuk/s200/P2060057.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
HEADS UP:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If
you are a single parent, you might not want to read this because it will
probably only make you feel guiltier about not providing a brother or sister
for your child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is not to say
there are not still benefits to being an only child—they’re just not listed in
this article.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, maybe now would
be a good time to just scroll on by or reheat that cup of coffee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Come back later and check Facebook--love
ya!.</div>
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Are they gone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>OK, good news parents of multiples--although you may be consumed by
exhaustion from the endless juggling of schedules and/or depressed about the
constant drain on your bank account, put down that razor blade and take heed!
You can now feel good about your decision to <s>willingly engage in the
insanity of attempting to raise multiple humans</s> have two or more kids
because there is actual research to back you up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, despite the bickering and occasional slammed doors, here
are five plausible reasons why siblings are your best friends: </div>
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<b>1.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They make
the long haul easier.</b></div>
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We tend to think of our parents as the people we've known
the longest but in actual length of years spent together, our siblings are the
ones we wind up knowing for the greatest duration of time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Alena Hall puts it in <u>The
Huffington Post</u>, siblings "mark our most enduring relationship.” Think
about it--if you started having kids in your mid-20s, as many do, and you can
expect to live to about 80, then your children will have known each other all
the 55 years you were around with them, plus, if they live to about 80
themselves, they will have known each other an additional 25 years beyond you.
Even if you started later, the odds are your kids will still know each other
longer than anyone else.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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And in their old age, your kids may be happier because they
have each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Research has
shown that elderly people who still have a living brother or sister, report
greater degrees of happiness and contentment, even if they don't see each other
often.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just knowing that there is
someone alive on this planet that you share a true lifelong bond with is
comforting in a way that is difficult to describe but incredibly powerful.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>2.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can
make you healthier.</b></div>
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There is some encouraging research out of Europe that
suggests having a brother or sister can actually benefit you mentally and
physically.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For example, children
with older siblings tend to struggle less with obesity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One reason may be the increased
exercise experienced because they have someone to run around and play with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(we're not going to get into whether
controlling for video game obsession was done--we'll just let common sense
answer that one.)</div>
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<b>3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They can
teach you how to be a better partner in adult relationships.</b></div>
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Again, this one just seems like common sense but the experts
back up this claim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As Jeffrey
Kluger writes in TIME, "[s]isters teach brothers about the mysteries of
girls; brothers teach sisters about the puzzle of boys."<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I would like to add to this by stating
that in my own purely anecdotal evidence, during my dating years I observed
that guys who had sisters were markedly more in tune with a woman's needs and
demonstrated more empathy overall.)</div>
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<b>4.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They teach
you how to share resources without being a total jerk.</b></div>
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OK, here is where I admit that I am the parent of an only
child and would have left the room myself, if I weren't actually writing this
piece.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will also now admit to
you what I cringe to even say—yes, my son struggles with sharing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This was never more evident to me than
when I married my second husband and we moved in with him and my youngest
step-daughter (my son is 14 and she is 15).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is no getting around it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite what you SAY to a child about sharing and being
flexible, kids with brothers and sisters are much better at it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now hold up, you say--my kids fight
about clothes and TV programs and mysteriously disappearing leftovers all the
time!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, that is true--my
stepdaughters often fight over clothes and who "borrowed" what from whom
and it can even get pretty ugly, but the bottom line is that they still
complain a hell of a lot less than my son when they can't have that extra $20
or there are no more Oreos, or they have to give up some space for visiting
relatives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And that’s all I want
to say about that because it depresses me for my son. Let's move on.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<b>5.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They save
money on therapy to get over the damage you did to them.</b></div>
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<br /></div>
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Face it, no matter how good of a job you do, you are bound
to screw up somehow and there will always be at least one thing that your kids
look back and vow to do differently with their own children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yes, of course there will be
treasured memories and little idiosyncrisies or goofy traditions that they will
want to repeat as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Having a
brother or sister to share in these memories and validate their experiences can
be extremely valuable on an emotional level.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this validation can help give you the confidence to face
life’s challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the
feeling that you’re OK, you’re not alone in your experience of the world and
there is always somewhere where you truly fit in—more importantly, your “home
base” still exists as long as one of your siblings is around to bear witness.</div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
Overall, if you can put up with them throughout childhood,
brothers and sisters may really be the best friend you will ever have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And with that, I think I’ll go give my
sister a call.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-15832164824862088552011-12-04T08:31:00.000-08:002017-07-14T15:30:36.432-07:00Note to My Christian & Republican Friends--Stop Voting Behind My Back! (And an explanation as to why I'm so angry with you).<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3e9sRIFOQC6cuaSiTR4-NJmKSbXhIrxFn_Inpw-qHcx42GZOvLk0PvwI6znSp9Xz-HK9Y-fz98Zny6eAARr1Ifupya63bJ5mf4oHeX9VVcyahEs2TIbNlHSlnreo3V-NJeFzTuzfjJO0/s1600/IMG_0143.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5682317505580787266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3e9sRIFOQC6cuaSiTR4-NJmKSbXhIrxFn_Inpw-qHcx42GZOvLk0PvwI6znSp9Xz-HK9Y-fz98Zny6eAARr1Ifupya63bJ5mf4oHeX9VVcyahEs2TIbNlHSlnreo3V-NJeFzTuzfjJO0/s320/IMG_0143.JPG" style="cursor: hand; cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 195px; margin: 0 10px 10px 0; width: 176px;" /></a><br />
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A while back, when one of my Christian friends was unfriending me on Facebook despite my offering to block her from my atheist posts, she made the comment that she’d come to her decision based on the fact that even though she wouldn’t be able to see the posts that were offensive to her, in a way, it would be like I was just talking behind her back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt she made a valid point and I respect her decision to this day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As time has gone on though, there was always something about that sentiment that I kept coming back to, some aspect of it that I intuitively knew I was not grasping.</div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
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Meanwhile, I’ve been asked by another Christian friend why I can’t just <i>not</i> be such an activist, why I seem to wake up with an “agenda.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And this I do not deny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I clearly do have an agenda, several in fact, and am quite doggedly determined to promote them whenever possible.</div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
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But then, suddenly, the light bulb went on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was so obvious and simple, it almost sounds stupid now—I’m so angry with evangelical Christians and republicans these days –I have such a clear agenda of exposing and ridiculing their behavior because it’s as if THEY are not just talking behind my back and the backs of those I love and care about, but they are VOTING behind our backs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
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These people, some of whom I truly love on a personal level, are walking into the voting booth, year after year and voting against the LGBT community, against the environment so crucial to the survival of our race, against the right to have medical coverage for all Americans, against the rights of the children of illegal immigrants and against science education.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I am furious with them, no matter how much I love some of them personally.</div>
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So does this affect me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let me explain:</div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
<ul>
<li>I have friends and family who are LGBT.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These people do too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, they will nicely and politely befriend or interact with these people to their face, yet disparage them and VOTE AGAINST THEIR RIGHTS behind their back.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> They are mysteriously silent when you post something pro-gay marriage or LGBT rights, though they'll gladly speak out and argue with you about fiscal policy or the fake scientific "debate" about global warming. Even the non-evangelicals, the non-denominationals are suspiciously quiet on these things. Don't assume because they are nice to you and joke with you and share a meal with you that they don't still think you are going to hell and that your way of life is a threat to them, that they will not blink an eye voting your rights away or expressing that belief when you're not in the room listening. Go ahead, push them a little and ask. I did. I pushed Andy Stanley's people on the gay rights issue. Boy, they wanted to dodge it but when push came to shove, they're agin' ya my friends.</span></li>
<li>It should go without saying that the environment is crucial to all of us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, evangelical Christians and other republicans would do away with the few laws we do have to protect it, in fact, the entire EPA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, while they are busy making laughingstocks out of America and adding to the general feeling of contempt abroad with their ignorance about global warming, the clock is ticking and we are already seeing the effects scientists have been warning us about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because number one they feel that this earth was put here for us and God will destroy or not destroy it as part of His Plan and IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT WE DO ANYWAY.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Secondly, because they believe that this world is unimportant—it’s just a proving ground to get to the eternal afterlife, where we won’t have to worry about things like the environment anyway. Think about it like this--if you know you're inheriting billions of dollars in a few years, would you really worry if you squandered some of your cash today on some needless merchandise? You'd be less inclined to save for the future and safeguard those savings for your children, wouldn't you?</li>
<li>We are the only developed democracy that does not provide universal health coverage as A BASIC HUMAN RIGHT to its people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People literally DIE here because they are poor.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They go broke here because of medical bills and do not seek the treatment they desperately need because they can’t afford it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am one of those people.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I'm not going to go into my medical history but trust me, I am. </span>I have also never had a mammogram because even if I could get a free one somewhere through a program, I wouldn’t be able to afford anything that was uncovered anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (I know, I know, you can argue with me about this later.) </span>I haven’t been to the dentist in years because I can not afford to go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My son, who DOES have medical coverage and has epilepsy, asthma and ADHD requires<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>medical treatment and medication that requires large sums of out of pocket expenses.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet, my evangelical Christian friends vote against universal health care, they want to repeal the small progress we have made with the Affordable Care Act and privatize Medicare and Social Security, which would devastate people like my mother. (It’s also important to note that in this case at least, they are voting against their OWN self-interest, so hypnotized by the GOP they are.)</li>
<li>My evangelical friends think I’ve committed murder for having an abortion—and have gone so far as to tell me so and remind me of the everlasting burning in hell scenario that awaits me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t have children anymore, but just because it doesn’t affect me personally, doesn’t mean I no longer care about the millions of women, including the women in my family and amongst my friends who find themselves in such a circumstance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Indeed, beyond abortion, a woman’s right to receive accurate, unbiased information and access to services and the right to make decisions about her own body is something that my evangelical Christian friends would and have gladly tried to strip away. (Note: I will say though that I will concede the point that there is a valid argument to be made over the point after which a zygote, then a fetus should be granted the rights of personhood, but such arguments can not and should not be based on the non-scientific theory of a “soul.”)</li>
<li>Evangelical Christians continue to attempt to insert their religious mythological beliefs into our public school system and prevent the instruction of valid scientific fact.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just look at the school districts that have been infected this past year alone all over the country with attempts to add ID/creationism into the curriculum!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Studies have now proven that science teachers in many areas are SCARED of teaching the truth about evolution or touching on the subject except in the lightest fashion, because of the backlash from Christian parents.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are trying to actively dumb down our science education at a time when we are already lagging WAY behind in the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a danger to be reckoned with, believe me.</li>
<li>Finally, as many of you know I have a sort of “step”-daughter who is Mexican.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These evangelical friends, while telling me how cute and sweet she is, walk into that voting booth and vote to strip her of her rights to receive an education, access to health services, to have her family stay together, etc., because one of her parents came her illegally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christians!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Christians are doing this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></li>
</ul>
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So you see, these sweet Christian and republican friends have been committing the ultimate betrayal in my mind—they’ve been one way to all our faces and another when they walk into that voting booth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And they do it all with the full belief that they are on the side of righteousness for God.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their justifications are found in the bible after all and we all <i>know</i> that the bible is infallible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And you wonder why I think religion is such a dangerous thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<o:p> </o:p></div>
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Here’s the deal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have friends who believe all kinds of what I think are silly, nonsensical, pseudo-scientific things and I have no problem with that, as ridiculous or misled as I feel that thought process may be—because they’re not trying to take away my rights, to destroy the earth for MY son, to marginalize and demonize My friends and family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you don’t want to educate yourself about evolution or global warming or health care for whatever reason, including laziness or sheer willful refusal, that is your right—you have the right to be as ignorant and/or stupid as you’d like and I’ll even <i>defend</i> that right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But do me a favor and don’t suggest that it is me who is talking behind your back because I’m not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m right here, saying it to your face and when you walk into that voting booth don’t pretend that you are being an honest friend to your gay cousin, your neighbor, your sister, MY son or ME, when you would gladly strip us of our dignity and the right to equality in this country.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t pretend that you’re not putting the screws to me, my son, and my family when you ignorantly and yet, deliberately refuse to look at facts or stand up for our rights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not trying to take away your right to your childish beliefs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not trying to take away anything of yours, except your blinders.</div>
<!--EndFragment-->nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-65484663765388734302011-11-05T18:37:00.000-07:002011-11-07T18:22:40.303-08:00Back in the Day--My Personal Anita Hill Sexual Harassment Story<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:georgia;font-size:100%;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh27ZDqKUY2VvHyKZ6lKZRnbseoVNLeW60POxo30SRaTFbo47_AhaeUEQxb1Q6-HBgZLb5JQVz23r5sCiglPYgTdyzqK2eN0t5YM77nmScNR9gOhnbXimarTToSuY9wQFGkKC-fOH0l-Lg/s1600/anita-hill.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 214px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh27ZDqKUY2VvHyKZ6lKZRnbseoVNLeW60POxo30SRaTFbo47_AhaeUEQxb1Q6-HBgZLb5JQVz23r5sCiglPYgTdyzqK2eN0t5YM77nmScNR9gOhnbXimarTToSuY9wQFGkKC-fOH0l-Lg/s320/anita-hill.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5671700411768670418" /></a></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">I’ve heard a few journalists make reference to Anita Hill lately, drawing a parallel between the Clarence Thomas hearings and what’s going on now with Herman Caine.<span> </span>This brings up some very personal feelings for me-- because I was actually being sexually harassed during the Anita Hill trial. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">I was in my early 20s, living in Los Angeles, and working as a traveling executive assistant to the senior vice president of a small, privately-owned, health-related, consulting firm.<span> </span>The company was founded and run by my boss Vernon, and his friend Mitchell (not their real names), a couple of good ol’ boys from a small town in west Texas and their mutual ex-girlfriend, Jane (another fake name).<span> </span>Ironically, the remaining majority of employees which comprised the administrative and management staff, were a group of Mormon friends, totally unrelated to the owners by blood or background.<span> </span>I was one of only two sort of token outsiders, if you will, without ties to either group.<span> </span>I discovered later that it was Mitchell’s idea to hire the Mormons because he felt they would be easily manipulated but still honest.<span> </span>I won’t even begin to dissect that.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">I had originally been hired as an administrative assistant to one of the Mormon managers—a very nice, honest, respectful, bright and funny guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I made a good salary and was relatively happy being part of an upbeat, hardworking team that all pitched together when it was crunch time to deliver our “product” to the customer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Vernon and Mitchell (his BFF and the company’s owner) were only in our south bay office about two-three times per month, so they were known but not terribly familiar and I’d met both of them briefly. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Vernon had made it a point to introduce himself one day and spend some time at my desk to chat, ask a few questions about my background and tell me about himself, like the fact that he was married with no less than five children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I, not incidentally, was recently engaged to my ex-husband.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Not long after that meeting, I was called into Amy, the office administrator’s office (team Mormon) to say that Vernon’s assistant had been let go and he had personally requested that <i>I</i> fill her position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>My first reaction was to be extremely flattered and taken aback.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I hadn’t been with the company very long at all and to already be receiving a promotion was great but a little weird.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I knew there were at least two other assistants who might be in line for that job before me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But I let my ego take the boost and considered that maybe my work and positive, can-do attitude somehow <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">was</i> that impressive.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">The job came with a significant increase in pay, and meant I’d be traveling, literally Monday through Friday, around the country with Vernon, flying first class everywhere and staying at the best hotels in every city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It also meant I would be spending a lot of time away from my then fiancé.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I asked to have some time to talk it over with him, went home, had the discussion and we both agreed it was a great opportunity and would bring in much needed income—worst case scenario, I’d give it a year and we’d re-evaluate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I went to work the next day and accepted the position.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I would pack my bags and be ready to leave on my first trip Monday morning.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><b>Down the Rabbit Hole I Go</b></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Oddly enough, before I began to work for Vernon, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style:normal">Mitchell’s</i> assistant got sick and I was sent with him for a two-day trip instead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>This meant flying on the corporate Learjet and meeting our company’s pilots on my first trip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>To say I was intimidated would be an understatement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>After all, I was still just a girl from an upper middle class Jersey suburb.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The closest I’d come to wealth by that point in my life was visiting my uncle who had a three-car garage and a summer house at the shore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Of course, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Mitchell hadn’t come from money either—in fact, he’d had a much more humble beginning than I had.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But what he lacked in upbringing, he more than made up for with extravagance, eccentricity, and sheer boastfulness about his nouveau riche status.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>With all the subtlety of a baboon (and I apologize profusely to the baboon community), Mitchell spent the entire flight telling me his rags to riches story-- how he mercilessly squashed anyone in his path to the top and the joy he took in now periodically returning to his home town to rub all their faces in his extreme and awesome wealth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As he explained, there wasn’t much he couldn’t buy—most anything, or anyone could be his if he really wanted it because, after all, he had A LOT of money.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He told me all this while drinking a bottle of Dom Perignon at 40,000 feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I politely declined his multiple offers of champagne, wine, beer, and later to join him in his room.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He flat out propositioned me and when I turned him down, laughed and said that I might be a young idealist in love but I too could eventually be “cracked” in time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I literally had to push him away from my hotel room door later that evening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">To say that I was freaked out was an understatement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>What the hell had I gotten myself into?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I wanted to call my boyfriend but knew, of course, that he would flip out and demand I come home on the next flight—something I wasn’t even sure I could accomplish without spending a couple thousand dollars out of pocket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But money wasn't the only reason why I stayed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I stayed because I was just young enough and just stupid enough to reason away this red flag by saying to myself that this was Mitchell, not Vernon, and that I might never actually BE in this position again anyway, so why throw away the chance at this exciting job with a huge paycheck over one crazy stupid flight on a Learjet with a nut job--even if the nut job was the president?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>The next evening we were due to meet up with Vernon and I would be whisked away from this creepy scene anyway.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>So I went to bed and told no one.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">When we finally did meet up with Vernon and the three of us had dinner together, he was surprisingly and noticeably protective of me and seemed to settle Mitchell back into his place with a simple “whoa now, Mitchell, go easy on Susan, she’s a good girl” style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And so I began to think that this first incident was just a blip on the radar and I'd been right to keep it all to myself.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">At first, Vernon was nothing but polite, opening doors and looking out for me in that sweet, polite, Texas/southern-raised boy sort of way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But very early on he did begin complimenting me a bit too much, in a way that made me uneasy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Of course my Jersey girl way of handling uneasy, was to sort of push back and use humor—for example, Vernon would say something about me being beautiful and I would roll my eyes and say something like “OK Vernon, now would you please made a decision about what we should tell Client X about the heart center opening next month?”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">It went on like this for a while and truthfully, if being told I was beautiful a bit too often was all there was to it, despite the fact that it was entirely inappropriate, I could have probably handled it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But it got worse.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Vernon began to tell me that he had feelings for me, then that he was in love with me, and THEN that if only I would realize that this young boy I was engaged to could never give me what I deserved and let HIM make my dreams come true, buy me a house, give me everything, etc., I would see how happy we would be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And then he started trying to touch me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And my sassy little Jersey girl attitude didn’t dissuade him any more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He also became insanely jealous and possessive of me in the most embarrassing ways—even clients were noticing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We’d be out to dinner with a local heart surgeon and instead of discussing business, Vernon would be devoting his attention to me, clearly behaving as if I was his girlfriend.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Enter Anita Hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As all this was coming to a head and I was trying to reason with Vernon, reminding him of his wife and kids, the fact that I loved my boyfriend, the age difference, and the fact that I did not love him back, hoping that he would sort of wake up and get over it, and I would be able to keep my job and this would all go away, Anita Hill was testifying about the harassment she’d suffered at the hands of Clarence Thomas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>No matter where we went those few months, you couldn’t escape the hearings and neither Vernon nor I could escape the comparison.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In every VIP lounge, in every newspaper, over every client dinner discussion, the topic of sexual harassment was suddenly there, in a way it had never been before.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And Vernon’s reaction to Anita Hill's testimony was what finally began to change my perspective on everything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"></span>We began to argue about the hearings in a way that was only thinly disguising that we were really arguing about OUR situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Vernon was of the opinion that Anita Hill was making a big deal out of literally nothing and should shut her mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He simply could not see how Thomas’ position of power over her was what made his behavior wrong.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As far as Vernon was concerned, Anita Hill was just a whiny, feminist bitch and he as much as said so.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Meanwhile, back around the time things had gone from Vernon complimenting me to him propositioning me, I DID start confiding in our office administrator Amy (remember, team Mormon), whom I’d become friends with and trusted very much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I would call Amy from my five-star hotel room, which oddly came to feel like a series of high-priced prison cells, every night and give her the day’s litany of offenses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Early on in these discussions, Amy confessed that Vernon’s request for me to be his executive assistant had consisted of a phone call to her stating “I want that cute little new girl.”</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Of course, this put Amy in a horrible position and she felt terrible for not warning me at the outset.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As administrator she was, I suppose, legally bound to do something about this—remove me from this situation at least.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But, as I said, we were friends by then, we were both young, both in positions somewhat beyond what we’d been trained or prepared for, and we both knew that this could very well be the end of HER job as well as mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Still, we knew that at some point, one of us was going to have to do something and it wasn’t going to be pretty or fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was me who kept stalling for time to think of a way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Meanwhile, I was feeling worse and worse about the fact that I hadn’t shared any of this with my boyfriend.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">And then, one day in Mel’s diner, not far from the entrance of the Golden Gate Bridge, as Vernon was trying to feel me up under the table with his foot, I realized that despite my attempts at “humorously” shutting him down, I’d actually been implicitly <i>agreeing</i> with Vernon’s point of view about Anita Hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>My trying to hide the situation, reason away the situation, use humor to deflect the situation and piling the stress of it all upon myself to come up with a solution that still left everyone’s feelings and jobs in tact was my way of saying that to do otherwise would make <i>me</i> one of those whiny feminist bitches who had to go run and tell instead of just handling it herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And then, <i>finally</i>, I began to be angry with Vernon for putting me in this ridiculous position to begin with.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Of course, anger is often the motivating force behind courage and that is what I found from watching Anita Hill.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As I sat in my last airport VIP lounge, watching that brave, intelligent, and courageous woman speak out I knew what I had to do.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><br /></span></b></p><p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Coming Forward</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">That Monday, instead of getting on a plane, I showed up at the office with a written statement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I took the company’s accountant (team Mormon) in with me to the company CFO (the ex-girlfriend you may recall of both Vernon and Mitchell) and gave her the letter, outlining the harassment I’d been undergoing and requesting a transfer back to the main office with no change in salary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Intuitively, I felt the need to have a witness to the discussion in case things didn't go down in my favor. </span>I had her sign the letter and kept a copy for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Then I took the rest of the day off and returned the following morning to hear their decision.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">I arrived to find that a new position of "Manager of Executive Offices" had been created especially for me and I would now be reporting directly to Mitchell.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>That did not exactly inspire confidence but I had already come this far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I just needed to be brave a while longer and hopefully the weirdness would all blow over. [insert laughter here]</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Immediately however, it was clear that Mitchell wasn’t interested in having anything “blow over.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In the few phone calls I had with him the next week, the formerly flirty Mitchell was decidedly cold and downright rude.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>In fact, you could feel the tension in the air all around the firm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Team Mormon was noticeably on my “side” if you will—offering whispered “hang in there’s” and knowing, sympathetic smiles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Team Vernon, of which only Linda was actually present, avoided me like the plague. Of course Vernon and I did not speak at all.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">On Friday, I was informed that my salary would be cut by $1,300 month, since, they argued, that portion was really considered a per diem for traveling assistants (no such documentation of that existed).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>When I informed Mitchell via phone that this was a violation of the agreement Linda had signed, whereby I would not be financially penalized for bringing forward the complaint, I was fired and told to leave the building immediately.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>One of the other assistants was ordered to see me out and make sure I didn’t talk to anyone else on the way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Of course she was team Mormon too and made it plain that she would do no such thing, so she was fired on the spot, as well. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Before I left, I found an employment lawyer in the yellow pages (remember those?), and drove directly to his office, where we filed a wrongful termination suit based on sexual harassment.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">If I thought the nightmare was over, it was only just beginning. Anita, hang in there!</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><br /></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight:normal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Try to Avoid Court if You Are Not Wealthy</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">My attorney, who took my case on contingency, was a very sweet guy who I think actually went into law for noble reasons, rather than a quest for easy money. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>He wasn’t much older than me really and I don’t think either one of us knew what we were getting in to, but I’ll only speak for myself on that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I DEFINITELY did not know what I was getting in to. Mitchell and Vernon hired the priciest downtown Los Angeles firm they could find, who then assigned their most aggressive, cut-throat female attorney to the case. Think L.A. Law vs. first year lawyer from the public defender's office. To make matters worse, I suppose because my guy's office was so shabby, despite being much closer, all meetings and depositions were done at their attorney's shiny office in a downtown high-rise with paid parking. </span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Of course, I had imagined Vernon and Mitchell would lie, but only in the sense that they would simply <i>deny</i> the allegations really.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It didn’t occur to me that they would actually fabricate stories or take actual incidents that we were planning to present as evidence and completely turn them around to where I looked like a salivating, man-hungry whore.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Oh, how I laugh at my naivete. </span>For example, there had been an incident at a client’s office in Alabama where a young man who worked at the building we were having our meeting at, offered to help carry my things to the car, which I thankfully let him do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Of course as</span> soon as we were out of earshot, Vernon became ridiculously jealous and angry, saying, amongst other bizarro things, that when I was on the road with him, I was “his girl.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>It was really insane and I clearly told him as much at the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Yet, he went on about it for at least two hours, how much it bothered him to see me walking beside “that boy.” It was a good example of just how obsessed he'd become and how powerful he imagined he was over me.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Well, during the deposition process, his lawyer (Miss Friendly) brought the incident up before we ever got to—only in <i>their</i> version of events, instead of Vernon being jealous, I was gushing about the young guy and saying I wanted a “piece of his fine ass!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>(A phrase I’ve never used in my life, thank you very much.)</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">And when they didn’t have real stories to twist, they just made stuff up—like saying that I’d been twice warned by Mitchell to dress more conservatively.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>As if!!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Mitchell would have preferred I wore fishnets and a g-string in his presence!</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">Long story short, it was horrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I remember glaring down the long conference table at Vernon during one of the deposition days but he wouldn’t look at me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I felt like maybe if I could just get him to make eye contact, he’d feel so guilty about what he was doing that he’d confess and tell the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I wondered if his wife knew or if they’d managed to keep it all from her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">I went home crying every day and finally called my lawyer and told him to go ahead and settle for whatever, I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted to make it stop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>We took a five- figure settlement, the lawyer took his fee and it was done.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>But everywhere I went after that, I was afraid people would find out what had happened and suspect I was really to blame after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> In that way, <i>I </i></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">carried the shame for a long time. I didn't feel courageous then, just embarrassed and stupid. In other words, I missed the point entirely at the time.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">It was a humiliating experience that I have often said I would never subject myself to again. Of course, years of distance and the wisdom of age has a way of putting things into perspective. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes">There are definitely ways in which I could have handled things differently, <i>knowing what I know now</i>, but which I simply wasn't capable of at the time. For example, rather than merely using humor to try and deflect Vernon's advances, when he persisted, I might have been much firmer, if not downright mean. <i>But knowing what I know now, includes being older, wiser, more secure, and living in a culture that now recognizes the validity of sexual harassment and punishes those who abuse their power over others in this way.</i> Still, even i</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:medium;">f I were in that position today, knowing all I do, with a son to care for in a bad economy, might I be even more likely to avoid the confrontation and try to deal with it myself? <span></span>Thankfully, I’m not and thankfully for so many women, Anita Hill opened up a dialogue in this country about an issue that almost every woman who works with men has had to deal with on some level.<span> </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style=" ;font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:medium;">Oh, by the way, I forgot to mention that not long after our settlement I was contacted by Vernon’s <i>former</i> assistant--turned out I wasn't the first--total shocker.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal"></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">The fact is Anita Hill stood up there in front of all those men and bravely, calmly, and intelligently spoke the truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>She stood up to a very powerful and popular man who just happened to be a misogynistic asshole and a disgrace to his position and she might not have had him unseated, but she paved the way for the rest of us to speak out and stand up for ourselves and our right to be safe from sexual harassment in the workplace.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>And thanks to Anita Hill, sexual harassment policies are now standard at even small companies and many women no longer have to feel trapped in a Mad Men world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> We still have a way to go, but we are light years from where we were before on this issue, thanks to her. </span>Because it’s not a joke when your boss is putting you in a position where you feel you have to basically choose between unemployment and self respect.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;"> </span></o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';font-size:100%;">So yeah, I was sexually harassed during the Anita Hill trial and I’m not embarrassed to admit it any more. Thank you, Ms. Hill.</span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p> <!--EndFragment-->nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-87976714968381068562009-07-17T16:41:00.000-07:002011-12-09T09:57:12.733-08:00Sticking it Out<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">My Aunt Helen is in the hospital right now with pneumonia, sedated, with a respirator tube down her throat. She is 85 years old. My Uncle Pat, goes back and forth to the hospital every day to visit her and sit by her bedside. He told my mom that today he touched her cheek and a single tear came out of her eye and slid down her face. They've been married well over 50 years, can't remember the exact number. The thing is they always sort of hated each other. </span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I'm sure their relationship seemed even worse to me b/c my own parents' marriage was so flipping perfect. Honestly, in comparison, anyone's marriage would appear to have problems compared to those two. My parents never fought. Ever. They barely even disagreed about anything. They were absolutely and totally in love until the day my father died suddenly, at the age of 55, from a brain aneurysm. They were the kind of couple who sat at the dinner table after my sister and I were gone and talked and laughed for another two to three hours. They also had matching leather jackets. Need I say more?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">So, yea, they made pretty much anyone's marriage pale in comparison, but still, Aunt Helen and Uncle Pat kind of hated each other. It was terrible b/c I really loved them both and would never want to take sides, but if I were to speak honestly, I would have to say that he was kind of an asshole to her. I don't know why. I don't know if </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">anyone</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"> knows why, probably not even him. He was the nicest guy to everyone else--coached little league for like 40 freaking years, knew everyone in their town, kind of guy who would go out of his way in a second to help you out if you were even the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">friend </span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">of a friend--but he was downright nasty to Aunt Helen. And she took it. Until she turned like 70 and then she just stopped putting up with it. She didn't leave him, but she just sort of turned on him and regularly started telling him to go to hell. Not that it made anything any better. He didn't start treating her like a queen or anything. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I always thought I'd never want to end up like Aunt Helen, putting up with a jerky guy just b/c I had a son with him, or just b/c divorce wasn't the catholic thing to do. I couldn't understand why she didn't just walk away. Until I grew up, had a son of my own and found myself married to a jerky guy. It's not that easy. It's not that simple. Maybe it should be, but it's just not.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">My marriage eventually ended b/c I did walk away, but not until things got so bad that it was unsafe for me to stay. I tried to stick it out. But my jerky guy was even jerkier than Uncle Pat, and the abuse didn't stop with words. Still, I felt like a failure. And the guilt for what my son had lost was and still is difficult to reconcile--because I came from that last generation where people stuck it out no matter what. Divorce just wasn't an option.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I don't know if I'll get to talk to my Aunt Helen again but I want to ask her, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">was it worth it? Are you glad you stuck it out? If you had it to do over, would you have left him? Did you shed that tear b/c at least now, at the end, he showed up, he was sweet and you know he loved you? Or were you crying for what might have been?</span></span></div>nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-20144817378518974482009-07-15T19:38:00.000-07:002009-07-15T19:44:01.927-07:00Thank You Garbage Disposal<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family:'lucida grande';font-size:13px;">In the spirit of appreciation, which is the hallmark of any successful society, can we all please take a moment to express our gratitude for the garbage disposal? Is it not a thing of exquisite beauty? Does it not bring joy and comfort to even the coldest of hearts? Thank you, garbage disposal, for all you do.</span>nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2162657224412080660.post-67168449411719618832009-07-15T16:10:00.000-07:002009-07-17T07:46:48.494-07:00Sotomayor<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">I like her. Of course the right wing bullies in the senate don't, goes without saying. But what really drives me nuts is why do we have to go through this ridiculous game of trying to get the nominees to hide their personal opinions? Last time I checked, judges were human and I have never met a human being who didn't have personal opinions, especially those who have spent their lives in the pursuit of knowledge and a career in law. In fact, last time I checked, having an opinion was still legal. The issue is whether that opinion or "prejudice" is going to influence the judges decision and that is the only matter, in my opinion, that should be up for debate.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms';"><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">But when it comes to the Supreme Court, those opinions might translate into actual changes in the law you say. Bottom line is yes, of course it could and of course it does. There's no way it couldn't. But a good judge bases their judgements on their very best interpretation of the Constitution, as it pertains to the matter(s) at hand. Still, bottom line is there is no way to REMOVE someone's personal opinion. Rather, we should only be concerned as to the fairness with which a nominee has ruled in the past, which is unfortunately open to a great deal of interpretation depending on which side of the fence you stand on. And no matter how fair she has been in upholding the Constitution prior to this, she will now have the power to effect changes in the law. Bottom line. End of story. Get over it. The Republicans want to stack the deck with their guys and the Democrats theirs. Democrats are in power now, so they get more people. YES, she's pro-choice, probably pro-gay marriage. Oh well. Too bad, so sad. Get over it.</span></div>nutballgirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12393859760583606430noreply@blogger.com0