Friday, July 17, 2009

Sticking it Out

My Aunt Helen is in the hospital right now with pneumonia, sedated, with a respirator tube down her throat. She is 85 years old. My Uncle Pat, goes back and forth to the hospital every day to visit her and sit by her bedside. He told my mom that today he touched her cheek and a single tear came out of her eye and slid down her face. They've been married well over 50 years, can't remember the exact number. The thing is they always sort of hated each other.

I'm sure their relationship seemed even worse to me b/c my own parents' marriage was so flipping perfect. Honestly, in comparison, anyone's marriage would appear to have problems compared to those two. My parents never fought. Ever. They barely even disagreed about anything. They were absolutely and totally in love until the day my father died suddenly, at the age of 55, from a brain aneurysm. They were the kind of couple who sat at the dinner table after my sister and I were gone and talked and laughed for another two to three hours. They also had matching leather jackets. Need I say more?

So, yea, they made pretty much anyone's marriage pale in comparison, but still, Aunt Helen and Uncle Pat kind of hated each other. It was terrible b/c I really loved them both and would never want to take sides, but if I were to speak honestly, I would have to say that he was kind of an asshole to her. I don't know why. I don't know if anyone knows why, probably not even him. He was the nicest guy to everyone else--coached little league for like 40 freaking years, knew everyone in their town, kind of guy who would go out of his way in a second to help you out if you were even the friend of a friend--but he was downright nasty to Aunt Helen. And she took it. Until she turned like 70 and then she just stopped putting up with it. She didn't leave him, but she just sort of turned on him and regularly started telling him to go to hell. Not that it made anything any better. He didn't start treating her like a queen or anything.

I always thought I'd never want to end up like Aunt Helen, putting up with a jerky guy just b/c I had a son with him, or just b/c divorce wasn't the catholic thing to do. I couldn't understand why she didn't just walk away. Until I grew up, had a son of my own and found myself married to a jerky guy. It's not that easy. It's not that simple. Maybe it should be, but it's just not.

My marriage eventually ended b/c I did walk away, but not until things got so bad that it was unsafe for me to stay. I tried to stick it out. But my jerky guy was even jerkier than Uncle Pat, and the abuse didn't stop with words. Still, I felt like a failure. And the guilt for what my son had lost was and still is difficult to reconcile--because I came from that last generation where people stuck it out no matter what. Divorce just wasn't an option.

I don't know if I'll get to talk to my Aunt Helen again but I want to ask her, was it worth it? Are you glad you stuck it out? If you had it to do over, would you have left him? Did you shed that tear b/c at least now, at the end, he showed up, he was sweet and you know he loved you? Or were you crying for what might have been?

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Thank You Garbage Disposal

In the spirit of appreciation, which is the hallmark of any successful society, can we all please take a moment to express our gratitude for the garbage disposal? Is it not a thing of exquisite beauty? Does it not bring joy and comfort to even the coldest of hearts? Thank you, garbage disposal, for all you do.

Sotomayor

I like her.  Of course the right wing bullies in the senate don't, goes without saying.  But what really drives me nuts is why do we have to go through this ridiculous game of trying to get the nominees to hide their personal opinions?  Last time I checked, judges were human and I have never met a human being who didn't have personal opinions, especially those who have spent their lives in the pursuit of knowledge and a career in law.  In fact, last time I checked, having an opinion was still legal.  The issue is whether that opinion or "prejudice" is going to influence the judges decision and that is the only matter, in my opinion, that should be up for debate.

But when it comes to the Supreme Court, those opinions might translate into actual changes in the law you say.  Bottom line is yes, of course it could and of course it does.  There's no way it couldn't.  But a good judge bases their judgements on their very best interpretation of the Constitution, as it pertains to the matter(s) at hand.  Still, bottom line is there is no way to REMOVE someone's personal opinion.  Rather, we should only be concerned as to the fairness with which a nominee has ruled in the past, which is unfortunately open to a great deal of interpretation depending on which side of the fence you stand on.  And no matter how fair she has been in upholding the Constitution prior to this, she will now have the power to effect changes in the law.  Bottom line.  End of story.  Get over it.  The Republicans want to stack the deck with their guys and the Democrats theirs.  Democrats are in power now, so they get more people.  YES, she's pro-choice, probably pro-gay marriage.  Oh well.  Too bad, so sad.  Get over it.